Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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