How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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