I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
