We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
