so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
