Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
