Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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