Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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