I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
