When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
