I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
