I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
