No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
