my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I did not marry a roomba.
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