wakey wakey hands off snakey
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
