If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
