As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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