You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You are the jesus of drinking
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
