Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
