There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
