On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
