You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
