Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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