Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
