how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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