I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
