While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
