Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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