So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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