I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
