Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
