He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
