Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
