Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
