As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
