My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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