If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
