I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
