I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
