I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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