I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
