Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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