Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
