You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my poor anus
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
