Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
