Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
