I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
this is an emotional support booty call
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
