Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
