I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
