I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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