he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
